A Sindarin Guide and a Ton of Insanity
by Fantasystardreamer7
Summary: I was getting tired of being one of the few people who really understood Elvish... ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY ADD AN 'S! I cannot stress that enough! That, and I have a fun time writing this kind of story. So, some Elves and I do a bunch of crazy stuff. Will be updated weekly. Hopefully. Chapter 8: Portal issues! AAAH! R&R, please.
1. Chapter 1: Introduction

**Um, yeah, I was going to put this in script format, but that's not really allowed, so... It's actually supposed to be more from the camera's POV than mine... So _yeah_...**

* * *

"Is this thing on? Yes? Good." I stepped back.

**"**Might we ask of you why we are included in this, Fantasy?" asked Legolas. Aurell, his cousin, stood next to him with a 'my-question-exactly' expression on her face.

**"**To make it less boring," I replied.

**"**By all rights that is the most foolish response to _any_ inquiry I have heard in my life," said Aurell.

**"**Greenleaf, Daystar?"

**"**Yes?" asked the Elves at the same time.

**"**Shut up." I adjusted the camera one last time.

**"**But-"

**"**HEY, howdy, aloha, hola, bonjour, ni hao, suilad, and greetings in every language I know how to say 'hi' in! This is A Quick Guide to Sindarin and A Ton of Insanity. Mainly the insane part being me, but whatever." I grinned at the camera.

**"**That doesn't sound very promising..." I shot a glare at the _Ellon_. [male Elf]

**"**Be _quiet, _I said." I turned to face the camera again. "Well, to put it bluntly, I'm sick and tired of being the only one who has a good-ish understanding of the Elvish language. SO. This is chapter numero UNO, in which I will explain some simple stuff, some greetings and some farewells. Forgive me for _trying_ to use Spanish, I think you should know that I only know a _teensy_ bit of Spanish, and even less of any language besides English."

**"**Then you don't know very much Sindarin?" the _Elleth_ interrupted. [female Elf]

**"**No, I know Sindarin, I'm just far from fluent."

Aurell rolled her eyes in a manner that was very immature for an Elf. But then again, she's the youngest Elf here.

I disregarded that and returned my attention to what I was doing. "Okay, let's just get on with it. First, there's some simple stuff that we need to cover. In Sindarin, the adjective goes _after _the noun. _Mellon nin_- 'my friend'. _Mellon_ 'friend' _nin _'my'. Like _Rio Grande_ in Spanish, and I'm told that that's how it works in French, too, but I don't have a French example."

"Why is it that you humans have so many different languages?" Can those two never be quiet for _five minutes_?

**"**Look who's talking, the Elves have different languages of their own. Sindarin, the tongue of the Grey-Elves of Mirkwood and Lothlorien; and Quenya, the tongue of the high-Elves of Imladris -that's Rivendell- and and Valinor. Ooh, lookie here, we've got ourselves a little Elf history lesson already." I smirked at them.

"'Little' is an overstatement, I would say, you've left out many details..."

I ignored Aurell once again."And moving on,-"

A shout from the other room stopped me again. "FANTASYYY! Can you beat this guy for meee?"

"Nevermind. Excuse me while I go and battle Morpheel for my little sister." I sighed. "There is a reason why Twilight Princess is rated T, you know!"

I looked around. "ELROND! HALDIIIIR!"

The Ellyn entered from the room opposite the one my sister was in.

Elrond spoke first. "There is no need to _shout_, Fantasy, we were just in the next room. Can we help you?"

"Yeah, I've got to fight a boss for my sister. You two are in charge of entertainment while I'm gone." I pointed at the camera. "We're live."

Haldir was aghast. "What?! Fantasy, you cannot just leave us here to entertain-"

**"**Thanks now byeee!" I winked and then left before they could complain further.

The Lothlorien Elf was not happy with their new job. "This is absurd! Why do we always end up with the most foolish of tasks?!"

My voice could clearly be heard from the other room; the door was ajar. "Aaaargh! Link! Stop getting eateeeeen!"

Elrond gazed curiously at the camera. "...What should we do? Surely she does _not _expect us to do the Hokey-Pokey in the most un-Elf-like manner possible?"

Once again my voice could be heard. "STAB. STAB. STAB. DIEEEE you foul sea vermin! YARR! Heeey! Why is it always so much harder the _second _time? I never had this much trouble on my file! HA I WIN!"

**"**You do the Hokey-Pokey and you turn yourself around! That's what it's all about!" The _Ellyn_ had started dancing in the most un-Elf-like manner possible because they didn't have anything else to do.

"OH MY GOSH LINK LOOK OUT IT'S ZANT!"

***A few minutes later***

I reentered the room just in to see the Elves finish dancing.

Aurell was rolling on the floor laughing out loud, once again in a very immature way.

I made a face. "Well, this is awkward..." Then I burst out laughing. "Dang, I should have come back earlier with another camera and taken pictures!"

"What's wrong with that one?" Aurell pointed at the camera that I had set up earlier.

Legolas had a troll face on. He held up another camera and ran out of the room.

Elrond blanched. "Legolas Thranduilion, get back here with that camera _this instant_! My reputation will be _ruined_!" He chased after the prince. "DON'T MAKE ME TELL YOUR FATHER!"

"Oh YAAAY!" I looked over at Haldir. "So what, you don't care that Legolas has a video of that? You're not embarrassed?"

"...I believe you were giving a Sindarin lesson before you were interrupted?" was the only answer I got to that.

"Oh yeah... So. I assume we've all seen the note on pronunciation that can be found in _The Silmarillion_, _The Children of Hurin_, and the world wide web? So I don't have to explain how the Elvish 'dh' is pronounced like the 'th' in 'this'? Great. That's fantastic. Where was I... Oh yes! Greetings and farewells!" I faced Haldir. "Greetings, Haldir."

**"**…? Well met, Fantasy."

"Good bye, Haldir."

"Farewell, Fantasy."

"Switching to Elvish! _Suilad, Haldir." _[Greeting]

Haldir suddenly understood. "_Mae g'ovannen, Fantasy." _[You are well met]

_"Galu, Haldir." _[good bye/ good luck]

_"Novaer, Fantasy." _[farewell, be good]

"RESPECTIVELY. You could make flash cards! And play little games and such! But I'm not done yet. Haldir, didn't you have to go to Lothlorien to do... that _thing?"_

"… that _thing?"_

I gave him a death glare.

**"**OH! I must go now!"

I continued to give him a death glare.

_"Boe i 'waen." _[it is necessary that I leave]

_"Na lu e-govaned vin." _[until we next meet]

_"No veren." _[enjoy yourself]

"Okay, that's enough. BYEEE." I shoved Haldir out the door and slammed it.

"Have you reached the end of lesson 1?" asked Aurell.

"Yeah, I think we're about done. I'm not going to repeat the meanings of those words, by the way. Some honorable mentions: props to _Leia Paige_ on Youtube, Arwen-Undomiel .com, and Hisweloke's Sindarin dictionary! And I think that Elrond deserves an honorable mention as well, because he's the only man I know who can wear a tiara and _still_ look like a BOSS. ...Where is he, anyways? It's not really his fault that he did what he did... because you are all figments of my imagination... AND SLAVES TO MY WILL."

"I think he's either still chasing Legolas, or he went back to Imladris." The _Elleth_ replied.

"Oh. I was considering apologizing... Hey if we're done, i should probably turn off the camera..." I walked around behind it. "And we're clea-"

* * *

**Review please!**


	2. Chapter 2: plural rules

"Welcome back! Glad you decided to read the second chapter." I waved at the camera.

"To whom are you talking, Fantasy?" Erestor came into view and I turned to him.

"Erestor! So you've jumped on the bandwagon too, now, eh? Cool. I'm talking to the viewers. The humans who are watching this just for the heck of it. Shame you weren't around when Elrond did the Hokey-Pokey, but I hear that Legolas got some nice pictures of it."

It was clear that Elrond's chief counsellor didn't understand. "What...?"

"Oh, I almost forgot. You've been in Imladris this whole time. Don't tell Elrond what I said about Legolas..." I glanced around nervously, as if Elrond himself would jump out at any moment.

"Why do you speak of Lord Elrond so lowly? Might I remind you that he is the Lord of Imladris and the keeper of Vilya?"

"Pfft. you weren't there when he was doing the Hokey-Pokey. Besides, it's kinda hard to take him seriously... He wears a _TIARA_, for goodness' sake..."

"Aha!" exclaimed Aurell, "So you _were_ lying when you said he wore a tiara like a BOSS last chapter!"

"What? NO."

Erestor intervened before we could start arguing. "Lord Elrond has returned to Imladris. I have come in his place."

"Oh, okay. I was considering apologizing to him... but now I think it would be better if we destroyed the problem and _then _I apologized." I grinned evilly.

The _Ellon_ frowned. "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying we should burn Legolas' camera and forget that incident ever happened. Did you want to help me?"

"Certainly."

"Okay I'll distract him, and you steal the camera. Got it?"

"If I may say so, I do not think it will be that simple..."

***A few minutes later***

"Heeey Legolas..." I walked over to where he sat on the couch in the living room with a laptop in front of him. "Whatcha doing?"

"I am _trying_ to establish an account on Youtube; but this is very difficult, considering the large number of fans who have already made false accounts under my name. I cannot use simply 'Legolas', 'Legolas Greenleaf', 'Legolas Thranduilion', or many others besides, and I refuse to follow my title with any numeral."

"What if you tried '_Cund nan Eryn Lasgalen'_?" [Prince of the Wood of Greenleaves]

"That is an _excellent_ idea, if it is not too long."

"Um, Legolas?"

"Yes, Fantasy?"

"I wanted to ask... for the sake of Elrond and Haldir, could you... _not _upload that video? And, like, delete it and stuff?"

He laughed. "Fantasy, if you think I would betray my kin in such a manner, then you are sadly mistaken. And yes, if Erestor, who is now attempting to steal my camera behind my back, would so kindly hand it to me."

Erestor gave Legolas the camera. I asked, "How did you know that Erestor was trying to steal your camera?"

"You kept glancing over at him."

"Oh."

When I was satisfied that the video was gone forever, I returned to my own camera, which had been left on the entire time. Oops.

"Um, so today's lesson: plural rules! ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY ADD AN 'S'! I CANNOT STRESS THAT ENOUGH! Here's how it works, and I've tried to make it as simple as possible.

A- in the final syllable, 'a' becomes 'ai', and in the non-final syllable it becomes 'e'.

EX: _aran_ [king]- _erain_ [kings]

E- in the final syllable, 'e' becomes 'i', and in the non-final syllable it remains unchanged.

EX: _elleth _[Female Elf]- _ellith _[Female Elves]

I- The vowel 'i' DOES NOT CHANGE, whether it is in the final or non-final syllable.

EX: _ethir _could mean 'spy' OR 'spies'

O- in the final syllable, 'o' turns into 'y', and in the non-final syllable it becomes 'e'

EX: _Ellon _[Male Elf]- _Ellyn _[Male Elves]

U- short 'u' turns into 'y' in the plural, and long 'u' becomes 'ui'

EX: _tulus _[poplar]- _tylys _[poplars]

Y- DOES NOT CHANGE.

EX: _myl _could mean 'gull' OR 'gulls'

Please note that those rules affect single vowels only. There are exceptions to those rules, but seeing as I've probably imploded your mind already I'm not going to go further as to explain those or the groups of vowels just yet, they can wait until next chapter."

Aurell said, "Erestor informed me that you requested the presence of the Lord and Lady of the Woods next chapter. Is that true?"

"Yes," I answered, "I did, but I dunno if that'll really happen. Oh, would you mind going to Imladris and telling Elrond that the video was deleted and that I'm sorry I made him dance like an idiot?"

"Certainly."

"_Hannon le_." [thank you]

***another few minutes later***

"Heeeeey _Erestor_. What are you still doing in my house?" I strolled over to him.

"Would you mind explaining the purpose of that large object against the wall?" He pointed at the piano.

"That's a piano. You press the keys and it makes noise." I flipped the cover off of the keys and pressed one.

"How does it do that?"

"It's like a harp, almost, but it hits the strings for you." I opened it so he could see the strings and hammers lined up inside. "Now get out of my house."

"But Legolas is still in your house!"

"I'm helping him with his new Youtube account. Now byee!"

"Fantasy!" Legolas' voice sounded from the other room. "You said you wanted to show me some videos... concerning myself?"

"Not _now._ I just sent Erestor out and if you're done with my older sibling's laptop then you can follow him. Oh gosh, I forgot to turn off the camera."


	3. Chapter 3: more plurals

"Legolas! Have you seen Galadriel and Celeborn? I thought they were going to be here for this chapter..." I looked around.

"No, I have not seen them. You should ask Erestor." He pointed at the dark-haired _Ellon _who was investigating my piano again.

"Erestor! What are you doing here? You should be in Imladris!"

"I bring word from Elrond."

"Oh, cool, what tidings?"

"He accepts your apology and would like to make another appearance in the next chapter."

"Fabulous! It would be totally neat-o if he'd come back! Have you seen Galadriel and Celeborn, though?"

"No, I haven't. Were you expecting them?"

"Have you ever been _dog walking_, Erestor?"

"No...?"

"Here, hold this." I gave him the leashes and the two dogs that I had been holding out of nowhere hauled the Elf outside. He was too surprised to do much more than be dragged along. "_Be back before dinner or you'll miss the movie!_" I yelled after him. Now if I could just find the Lord and Lady, that'd solve all of my problems...

"Well, they're not here, so you might as well do your lesson without them," said Legolas.

"Yeah..." I turned on the camera (I'm getting better at this...) and stood in front of it. "Hello again, this lesson three, plural vowels in groups. Let's see...

AU- turns into 'oe' in the plural.

EX: _Sauron_ (the bad guy)- _Soeryn_ MULTIPLE SAURONS OH MY GOSH WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE

'ae', 'ai', 'ei', AAAAND 'ui' don't _normally _change.

Once again, there are exceptions, but we're not going to go over them right now. That should about cover it, I think. Yeah. How about we do a quick recap of the pronunciation just because this lesson was really short?

'Ch' makes the sound of the 'ch' in Scottish 'loch'. _Not _English 'chemistry'_. Scottish_. _Loch_. There _is_ a difference.

'Dh' and 'th'. Say 'these clothes are thin, I think'. Say it. And pay attention to how your tongue moves when pronouncing the th's. Did you say it? Methinks that some of us here didn't say it. Okay. The Elvish 'dh' always makes the sound as the first two of the underlined th's, and the Elvish 'th' always makes the sound of the second two.

The vowels a, e, i, o, u, and y sound like father, were, machine, for, brute, and French 'lune', respectively. If you're not French, like me, then purse your lips like you were saying 'ooo' and say 'eee' instead for the 'y'. Its kinda like a e-u combination.

'C' ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS makes the sound of a 'k', thus 'Celeborn' is pronounced 'Keleborn,' not 'Seleborn'. For this reason you'll almost never find a 'k' in either Elvish language.

The vowel combinations make the sound of the vowels respectively, so Sauron is pronounced more like 'sour' and not 'sore'.

That's it I think?"

Aurell came into the room just as I turned off the camera. "I found Galadriel and Celeborn."

"Really?" I demanded. "Where are they?"

"They've been upstairs playing Mario Kart Wii with your little sister this whole time."

I gaped. And then ran upstairs to see for my own eyes.

Yup. There they were. Nethig [little sister, I'm going to call her that just for the sake of anonymousness, OK?] had the wheel and the Elves were on either side of her. Celeborn had my black remote. The TV screen was divided into fourths and Daisy, Peach, and Rosalina were racing in Wario's Gold Mines.

I stood there and seethed until they finished the level. "Nethig." I said, trying to contain my rage. "_Why_ are the _Lord and Lady off the Woods_ playing on the Wii and not making an appearance _in front of the camera_?!"

"They got here earlier this morning when you were still snoozing, so I got to play with them first."

"They were _supposed_ to give an exceedingly brief history lesson on how the two Elvish languages grew apart! _BECAUSE THEY WERE THERE!_ But NOOOOO, I couldn't find them, so I did this week's lesson without them!"

"Not my fault!"

"Yes. It. IS."

SISSY FIIIIGHT!

*a few minutes later*

"Legolas! C'mere, I said I'd show you some videos, remember?"

The Ellon sat down next to me on the couch. "Yes... Let us get on with it then, shall we?"

"Okay." I searched 'They're Taking the Hobbits to Isengard'. This is what his face looked like watching it *._.* I laughed at him, then opened up a comment chain, the later part of which was mostly from someone whose username was 'Lord Elrond'. "Hmm... ELROND!"

"He is at Imladris, Fantasy, and shouting will not bring him here."

"Can I help you, Fantasy?" The... second most powerful Noldorin Elf on Middle-Earth came over out of nowhere.

"Elrond! I thought you were in Imladris!"

"I was, but my chief counsellor was late in returning, and thus I came to search for him."

"Okay, read that comment chain." I pointed at it.

"...This impersonation is absurd!" exclaimed Elrond, and I laughed.

"Okay, next video... you can go away now, Elrond..." I searched 'legolas by laura'.

"I believe I should like to stay."

"Okaaaay... Well then."

Both of them had derp *._.* faces when it ended. Unfortunately those were the only two videos I had to show them. They started talking and I logged into _my_ Youtube account and replied to Lord Elrond's comments on the previous video.

***a short comment conversation later***

**Lord Elrond**: Give me a break will you?! I'm tired of speaking to mortals

**Superrainbowyoshi9: **No. XP

Lass mallen ah loth geleb...

I can speak Elvish too!

* * *

**Yeah I know I said I'd update weekly but I already had this chapter written out and all...**

**Things you should know: Elrond is the second most powerful of the Noldor. Galadriel is the most powerful.**

**Lass mallen ah loth geleb- golden leaf and silver blossom -!oh I forgot to change the first consonant in 'golden' -_-' That's a lesson I haven't gotten to yet on here...**

**Yes Superrainbowyoshi9 is my Youtube account _please_ don't look it up**

**See you sometime probably before next week! ;)**


	4. Chapter 4: History

**OH MY GOLLY JELLYBEANS it has been an entire week! :O**

**Sorry for the wait. Spring break is over now. :/ That mean less time on the computer for meee. OH WELL**

* * *

"Fantasy, what on Arda are you doing?" Legolas gave me a questioning look.

"First of all, we're not on Arda, we're on Earth. Second of all, I'm trying to catch my cat. Tunaaaaa!" I finally caught him, picked him up and carried the squirming feline over to the Elf.

"Legolas, this is Tuna. Tuna, this is Legolas." Tuna hissed and I put him down. He bolted for the basement stairs. "He's shy."

"That I can see."

"Have you seen Celeborn and Galadriel?"

"Have you lost them _again_?"

I gave him a look. *:T*

THEN either out of sheer luck or because they heard me from whatever room they were in, the aforementioned couple ENTERED.

"There you two are! I'm glad you could make it. C'mon, let's do the lesson before anything else insane happens." I half dragged them over to the camera. "HELL-O. This ISN'T lesson 4, nuh-uh, nope. This is history lesson #1! Because you guys are already watching this and stuff and all, so why not do some exceedingly brief history as well? And I have some special guests to boot! Because I asked Galadriel and Celeborn if they'd so kindly make an appearance and, if they would, explain the difference in the two Elvish languages. They said YES!"

They had derp *._.* faces. FINALLY Galadriel said, "As you may know, the Elves were divided into four groups early in their existence. The Noldor, Vanyar, Teleri, and Avari. All groups but the Avari followed the Vala Orome to the ocean, and then to Amar. The Noldorin and Vanyarin races in their entirety went to Aman. Only a part of the Teleri passed into Amar, because their king, Thingol, was nowhere to be found at the time. It was during this separation of the groups that the languages of the Elves grew apart.

When the Noldor, I among them, returned to the lands of the East after the Kinslaying at Alqualonde, it was discovered that the Elves of Doriath spoke words that differed from our own."

I intervened now, because not only was it becoming confusing so that a more detailed explanation would be necessary, but that was also about it. "So basically some Elves went to Valinor and the others stayed, and then the first elves came back and then TA-DA! They were different. That's all for today!"

* * *

**Outtakes**

* * *

"Phoenicia, Egypt, and Mesopotamia were all located in an area called _what_?"

I hit the buzzer. I was fairly confident in my answer. The teacher looked at me. "Yes?" _But do you know what I said _instead _of what I meant to say?_

"MIDDLE EARTH!"

The whole class cracked up and so did I. "Middle _East!" _I corrected myself. "The Middle East, not..." I broke apart laughing again.

"Good guess, but that was wrong anyways. The answer was: the Fertile Crescent."

"But I was close!"

* * *

"ERESTOR. Step AWAY from the piano," I commanded. I come home from school, and the first thing I find: Erestor examining the piano. Again.

* * *

"Nethig. First you teach the Lord and Lady of the Woods to play Mariokart, and now you've taught Elladan and Elrohir to play _Plants Vs. Zombies_." I glared at the trio. The twins had the iPad between them and were arguing about the placement of their plants.

"Yup." She grinned.

I face-palmed.

* * *

**And now back to the story**

* * *

"_I haven't show you all your own movies?!_ Okay. Later tonight get everyone here and we'll watch the first one," I ordered Legolas and Aurell. "It'll be awesome. Especially because today's Friday, and I can sleep in tomorrow! It's a date!"

The cousins gave me an odd look. Then Aurell shrugged and went back to Imladris, shortly followed by Legolas.

I _seriously _think there's something going on between her and one of the twin sons of Elrond. But _nothing_ could go wrong tonight.

* * *

"Roll call: Legolas!"

"I am here, Fantasy!"

"Just say 'here', okay? Aurell?"

"Here!"

"Celeborn, Galadriel, and Elrond?"

Three 'here's' answered.

"Elladan, Elrohir, and Erestor?"

Three more.

"_Aran_ Thranduil?"

"I am present."

"Just say 'here'! Is that everybody?"

"Have you forgotten us?" Glorfindel waved, Haldir next to him.

"Oh, sorry. Anyone else?"

No answer. "Okay! Let's get this movie over with! I am so doing commentary, by the way." I clicked 'Play.'

I didn't have much commentary to give, but whatever.

"ONE DOES NOT SIMPLY WALK INTO MORDOR." Aurell glared at me the first time I paused it.

Haldir frowned at the part where they arrived at Lothlorien. Maybe it was from what Gimli said, or maybe it was because I chose then to pause it again and say, "Haldir you look like you're wearing _eyeliner_." Aurell giggled. "_Really_. Just in this scene."

"Unpause the movie, Fantasy..." was the reply.

Later I paused it again. "How _old_ are you, Haldir?" A chorus of '_unpause it!_'s answered me. "FINE. Don't get all mad at me just for being curious! _Sheesh_."

I paused it again when Legolas got his new bow. "DUN DUN DUN DUUUUUN."

"Fantasy," said Legolas. "We don't need sound effects."

"Whatever..."

I didn't have anything much interesting to say for the rest of the movie.

* * *

**Notes: if you want to know the history of the Elves, then you should read the Silmarillion. Because we can all agree that my explanation stinks.** **Horribly.**

**The trivia thing? Embarrassing, but hilarious at the same time. ^o^**

**Somehow I think that the twin sons of Elrond would like to play some video games too. Why not?**

**Really in a few scenes to me it almost looks like Haldir's wearing eyeliner. LOL XD**

**The sound effects? Legend of Zelda item get jingle. XP**

**That's about it.**


	5. Chapter 5: Articles

"Dang, I'm starting to run out of lessons." I said, looking at the camera. "Can one of you guys do me a favor and slap me and tell me to get back to it? Because I'm teaching myself here, and in case you didn't know, one does not simply _stop procrastinating. _Thanks.

OKAY. Lesson four. Articles. Um. So. Yeah. Sindarin doesn't have the indefinite article 'a', or 'an'. So _ellon_ could mean 'male Elf', or 'A male Elf'.

Sindarin 'the' is a simple '_i_', making _i ellon _'THE male Elf'. It becomes '_in' _in the plural, EX: _in ellyn. _Hopefully by now I don't need to tell you that that means 'the male Elves'. Please note that it _doesn't __have_ to be capitalized like English 'I'.

'The' can also appear as a suffix _-n _or _-in. _Thus _na _'to' becomes _nan _'to the', and _nu _'under' becomes _nuin '_under the'_. _

'Of' is usually expressed through word order alone. Take... ah... _Aran Mordor_ for example. 'King [of] Mordor'. 'Of _the',_ however, is _en_. The other chapter, when I suggested that Legolas' Youtube account be _Cund NAN Eryn Lasgalen?_ Sorry for that mistake. It should've been _en. _I'll go fix it. Sometime... eventually. Maybe.

But I think that that about concludes this lesson! Yay, just in time for the Two Towers! You know, on that note, I'm _still_ not exactly sure _which_ pair of towers it's talking about; there are four that it _could_ be, if you ask me. Orthanc, Minas Tirith, Minas Morgul, and Barad-dur. Does anybody know the answer to that? I've read the book and watched the movie and I'm _still _not certain_._"

* * *

"'Even the bearded ladies are men of Rohan today'!" I sang, pausing the movie just as the Riders of Rohan came in. Glorfindel looked at me like I was crazy. "What, some of the women in New Zealand were as good or better horse riders than the men, so why not? It was in the movie outtakes!"

I paused it again when the hunters came upon the pile of burned Orcs and Aragorn kicked the helmet. "He broke two toes, kicking that."

"There was a mishap involving Orlando Bloom's contact lenses, and thus you've got brown eyes in some scenes, Leggy," I pointed out, during the most inappropriate moment possible. (Right while Aragorn and Legolas were arguing in the armory of Helm's Deep.)

And when the Elves arrived at Helm's Deep, of course I paused it and looked at Haldir. "I'll be blunt: _Did_ or _didn't_ this scene actually happen?"

"It did not," replied Haldir, looking confused.

"I should have guessed, 'specially because you're still among the living."

"What does that mean?"

"Noooooooothing..."

I froze it at the exact moment that Haldir got _axed_ in the back of his neck. "You're dead now, Haldir!" There was a cry of protest from the back of the room where said Elf was standing. "Hey, it wasn't _my _idea." I turned the movie back on. I don't think he was much of a fan of the movies after that.

* * *

**This chapter is short... -.- **

**I was serious about the slapping though... I'm being way too lazy. And I did see all of that in the outtakes. Look 'em up on Youtube, if you like. Also, the Rohirrim got no help from any Elf besides Legolas ****_in the books_****. Thus, Haldir is still living. Like I was going to write a story involving me and a bunch of Elves without him :3**

**That's it, I think...**


	6. Chapter 6: Consonant Mutation part 1

** don't kill me for being late... I'M SORRY... Typed this on Monday, spent Tuesday and Wednesday goofing off, and yesterday I was completely immersed in The Great Tree of Avalon. I've finally decided to swallow my stubbornness and read the popular book series that I haven't yet. That includes the Eragon and Percy Jackson and the Olympians. Because I'm that stubborn when it comes to what I'm reading... there's a story behind this... **

**So my friend's reading the third book in the Great Tree of Avalon series, and then suddenly he say that there are Elves in that book and I say, "WHAT?! What kind of Elves? You mean the Tiny Christmas People?" (here it should be noted that I've dubbed the little dudes that make Santa's toys ****_Tiny Christmas People, _****so as to keep the tall intelligent race from being confused with the short guys) and he says no, and I ask what the book is about, and he says it's about a world that's the center of all worlds and I say "oh well I made up a world that was the center of all worlds before" and he says, "really?" and I say "yeah. Called it Landia" and he laughs and I told him that the name Landia grew on it before I ever decided on a better name and he asks, "are there Elves on Landia?" and I say "no, because I made it up back when the only Elves where the Tiny Christmas people" and he says "oh" and I say "I called them Fairies, they were fewer and didn't have their own language but they were equally arcane" and he laughs again and says that in his book there are people that can turn into eagles and I say that there were a winged peoples on Landia, too, and in the remotest parts you've got to be careful because there are people who can change into animals and then he says that I should check out that book and I agree because it sounds cool and I've heard of Elves as in Eragon and now this and I want to know how alike and/or different they are from the LOTR Elves.**

***Gasps for breath* And back to the actual story.**

"LEGOLAS!"

The Ellon entered the room that I was in. "What is it _this_ time, Fantasy?"

"I've taken over ten online personality quizzes to see what race I'd be on Middle-Earth, and I _still_ haven't gotten a conclusive answer!"

"What do you mean?"

"I've gotten 2 Dwarves -I'm never quizzing on those sites again- Dunedain, Ent, Hobbit, 2 Wizards, and 6, SIX, Elves."

"And you called for my counsel... for what purpose?"

"What do you think?"

He laughed. "Fantasy, _mell nîn_, you are a human and no race besides. That fact cannot be altered, despite what any quiz tells you." [my dear]

"BUT IF IT _COULD_ BE, _THEN_ what would I be?"

"That is no concern of mine." He turned to leave.

"HEEEEEEEY! I asked you a question! I WANNA KNOW!"

"Are these quizzes even based on reliable criteria? How do you know that their judgement is proper?"

"I dunno. Wait... what do you mean?"

Legolas walked back over to where I was on the computer. "Didn't you say the other day that some popular stereotypes about the Elves were that we were all _sissies_, always had perfect looks, and were _completely_ self-absorbed?"

"Do you mean that it says I'm a Dwarf just because I'm a bit shorter than everyone else and don't care a whole ton for my hair?!"

"Exactly."

"What. The. Heck." I crossed my arms. Then I looked back up at the Elf. "What do you think?"

"I think you shouldn't bother yourself about things like this." I opened my mouth to make an angry retort, but he interrupted. "Don't you have a lesson to be doing?"

"OH MY GOLLY JELLYBEANS THE LESSON!" I pushed past the Elf and ran to the camera.

"Hey you guys. How's it going? This is lesson... actually, I'm starting to lose track. Bah, who cares? Let's DO THIS THING.

Consonant mutations! In Sindarin, sometimes the consonants in the beginning of a word change when you put them in a certain order with certain other trigger words. I dunno why. Ask Tolkien. Well. _Daw_ 'gloom' to _i dhaw_ 'the gloom' and such. This chapter- soft mutation.

P- turns into B

EX: _pen_ 'one' (as in a person, not a number; also 'somebody' and 'anybody')- _i ben_ 'the one'.

T- turns into D

EX: _taur _'great wood, forest'- _i daur_ 'the forest'.

C- turns into G

EX: _cerveth_ 'July' (the month, of course)- _i gerveth_ 'the July'.

-Is it apparent that I'm trying to find my own examples? I think it is-

B- turns into V (so then you can't get a P word and a B word mixed up)

EX: _barad _'fortress' (or 'tower', like in _Barad-dur_, yes?)- _i varad_ 'the fortress'.

D- turns into DH

EX: _dîn_ 'gap' (also 'opening', or 'pass in mountains')- _i dhîn_ 'the gap'.

G- vanishes entirely. Use an apostrophe.

EX: _gûl_ 'sorcery' (like in _Nazgûl_)- _i 'ûl_ 'the sorcery'.

H- turns into CH

EX: _heledir_ 'kingfisher'- _i cheledir_ 'the kingfisher'

S- turns into H

EX: _saew_ 'poison'- _i haew_ 'the poison'.

M- ALSO turns into V, so there could be _some_ confusion regarding M-words and B-words.

EX: _Mellon_ 'friend'- _i vellon_ 'the friend'.

HW- (like English 'wh') turns into CHW

EX: _hwest_ 'breeze'- _i chwest_ 'the breeze'.

That's how those things work, now time to cover the words/prefixes that trigger soft mutation. (Besides '_i'_, I mean, I think we've already gone over that by now)

_Ab_ 'after, behind, following, later' used as a prefix or preposition.

_Adel_ 'behind, in the rear [of]' used as a preposition.

_Am_ 'up, above, over' used as a prefix or preposition.

_Ath-_ 'on both sides, across' used as a prefix.

_Athra-_ 'across' used as a prefix.

_Be_ 'according to' used as a preposition.

_Dad_ 'down' used as an adverb or prefix.

_Di_ 'under, beneath' used as a preposition.

_Go-, gwa-_ 'together' used as a prefix.

_Na_ 'to, towards, at, of, with, by' used as a preposition. (Dang that one's almost universal.)

_Nu_ 'under' used as a preposition. (Hey there are 2 'unders'. Well I suppose there are a lot of English words that mean the same, too- under, beneath, below, and such)

_Trî_ (preposition), _Tre-_ (prefix) both meaning 'through'

And last but certainly not least, _u-_ 'not, without' used as a prefix.

EX: _u-chebin_ 'I do not keep', from unmutated _hebin _'I keep'.

Adjectives following a noun are lenited, or if the word is the second element in a compound.

EX: _loth geleb_ 'silver blossom', from unmutated _celeb_ 'silver'; and _Gil-galad_ 'star-light', from _gil _'star' and _calad_ 'light'.

A noun is also lenited when it's the object of a verb. Like in the phrase 'so-n-so greeted his friends', then 'friends' would be lenited.

LONGEST LESSON YET. And I still need someone to smack me and yell at me to quit procrastinating. Because I'm still being reeeeeally laaazy. Not to mention that I have a heap of science homework and a book project to complete by tomorrow. So bye for now!"


	7. Chapter 7: Consonant Mutation part 2

**Sorry for the delay, I've been sick and not feeling very well. And a bunch of stuff's been going on. We ranked _superior_ at a band contest! Woohoo! ^o^**

"Welcome back again for chapter I-can't-even-remember-what-chapter-we're-on-and-am -too-lazy-to-look-it-up. Huzzah.

Sorry I took so long between chapters. Let's see, there's been a concert, a band contest, and Nethig had something after school. I spent most of Friday looking up the Legend of Korra, Nethig started watching The Last Airbender all over again on Netflix, and that has been _extremely_ distracting, and last Saturday and Sunday reading _The Skipper_, a Lord of the Rings Fanfiction by LinzRW. Heheh, I also read it some on my Wii and stayed up late while trying reeeeally hard not to laugh. 'Cause when I did, my dad'd come and yell at me to go to bed. Oh yes! And let's not forget the great feast at Rivendell! Good times...  
Last lesson was soft mutation, yeah? And in this one, we're going over another type of consonant mutation. But first, I want to answer some reviews. So that _everyone_ can hear me.

**Wyverndragon**: "_...is 'thank you' grammatically correct as 'le hannon' or 'hannon le'? I've only seen the latter, but my friend says she's seen the former more often."_

I haven't gotten around to pronouns yet; and when I do, it'll make a lot more sense. _Hannon _ means 'I thank', not just 'thank', and then of course _le_ means 'you'. It's correct either way, but you sound a bit more like Yoda when you say _le hannon_.

**Animepercystyle**: "_I kept wondering why you gave us language lessons instead of just words, but then I realized that you DO give us a lot of words, AS WELL AS HOW TO USE THEM. And that helps us the most, I suppose!"_

Well, if you didn't take the Sindarin grammar rules into account, then you'd make absolutely no sense to any Elf you might ever find yourself speaking to. For example, if you just opened the dictionary and pulled out _i_ and _galadh_, and tried to write 'the trees' with just that, well... An inexperienced person would probably end up with _i galadhs_, which is preeeeetty far from correct. By now we should know that when properly pluralized the words should be _in_ and _gelaidh_, and when properly lenited, they should become _i ngelaidh_, which brings us to today's lesson! More consonant mutation. A different type of mutation that is triggered by different words. Nasal mutation. And no, it does _not _involve pinching our noses so that we sound all weird or whatever you were going to ask."

Nethig crossed her arms and stuck out her tongue before marching into the other room and turning on the Wii. She had the gall to turn it _waaay_ up, too, and even decided to flip through the channels so that their music loudly interrupted what I was trying to do. I stuck my head in there and yelled at her over the din. She made me turn it down myself, and then I stole the TV remote so she couldn't turn it up again from the couch. _Sisters..._

"Where was I? Oh yes. I'm probably going to fry you guys' brains again, so let's take another moment to reflect on why these rules are important. How about this: let's all just IGNORE the more... for lack of a better word _advanced_ (American?) English plural lenition rules for a moment. Now we've got Elfs, tooths, mooses, gooses, spys, and cactuses. It just doesn't look right to me, how about you?

-!- I just remembered! I was going to make chapter ten the special bonus chapter. No lesson, just story. Involving the Return of the King. And (spoilers!) portal issues. And what we did at the banquet at Rivendell (don'tcha remember? You was there too! [Mater's Tall Tales reference]). And what exactly happened when Link met Legolas- they tried to kill each other.

Now let's get on with the lesson. Um um um... -see this is what happens when you put a slightly psychotic eighth grader in charge of teaching Sindarin to whoever bothers to care- Uhhh..." I pulled out my notebook and flipped through the pages. "Here we are. Um. Okay. So. Yeah. So singular _i_ triggers soft mutation, and plural _in_ triggers nasal mutation. There are a few other trigger words, too-

_An-_ to, for

_Dan-_ against

Hm. I thought there were more. Ah, well, let's get to the mutating part.

_In_ [insert plus sign here] a plural d-word just makes the 'n' hop over and replace the 'd'.

EX: _duinin_ 'high tides,' or 'floods' (singular: _duinen_)- _i nuinin_

_In_ plus a plural g-word makes the 'n' jump the space.

EX: _gelir _'happy person/ happy people'_-in gelir_ 'the happy people'

_In_ plus a plural b-word makes the 'n' jump the space AND turns into an 'm'.

EX: _beraid- i meraid_

-!- While flipping through the dictionary, I found out that Beren's (Beren and Luthien? If you don't know who they are, then read the Silmarillion) name means 'bold'. And Cirdan _literally_ means 'shipwright'! Isn't is just _neat_ to find out that these guys' names have an actual meaning? Arwen means 'noble maiden' and Glorfindel means 'golden-haired'! It's like, me= :O!

Ahem. I should get back on-topic. So when there's more than just the 'd' or 'g' or 'b' at the beginning of a word, then nothing happens. Nothing. Take _grond_ 'club' for example- because there's 'gr' instead of just 'g'. It just stays as _in grynd_.

Also, when you use _an_, it's a bit different than using _in_, because to keep an distinguished from _a_ 'and', it does just what _in_ does, only an 'n' stays attached to it. Bleeegh, can I make it any more confusing?! Just look at the example!

EX: _a Núredhel _'and a Deep-Elf' vs. _an Núredhel_ 'for a Dark-Elf'.

Because _Núredhel_ means 'Deep-Elf' and _Dúredhel_ means 'Dark-Elf'.

EX: _an ngelir_ 'for a happy person'

It works a bit differently for b-words... just like the 'b' turned into an 'm' when using _in_, it turns the 'n' in _an_ into an 'm' too.

EX: _am marad _'for a tower'

Brains fried yet? Yes-no-maybe? Mine is right now. I'm going to take a break. Maybe next chapter I'll do more examples to clear up the confusion... NETHIG ARE YOU WATCHING AVATAR WITHOUT ME?!"

"Maaaaaaybe..."

I yawned. "Well, I'm gonna take a nap. Turn it down a bit."

"Umm... Okay."

"Aurell!"

"Fantasy?"

"Do something funny."

"Like what?"

"I dunno."

"Then how can I do it?"

"I don't care. Just do _some_thing."

"Why can't you?"

"I'm going to take a nap."

She rolled her eyes.

"Okay then, _don't_." I turned off the camera.

**I wanna know if I can give you guys HOMEWORK. *grins evilly* That. Would. Be. EPIIIC.**

**Hopefully the next chapter will be on-time. Review, and slap me please. I deserve it for being this LAAAATE.**


	8. EpicevilbaldmoustachedunicornL egolasPIE...

**Late again... and VERY VERY LATE. No lesson this time. Just this because I was too lazy to actually do the next lesson. But rest assured, the next chapter will include a lesson as well as why I dislike marching band and what the Elves all did while they were stuck here and the Elves' disguises and all, because they can't go running around in tunics and robes and floor-length dresses the whole time.**

"Fantasy. Wake up." Someone shook my shoulder. I jabbed whoever it was with my elbow without thinking. I hit him in the gut and there was a sharp intake of breath. I had a habit of trying to hit anyone who tried to shake me awake.

I rolled over, facing away from him. "Go away."

Legolas did. There were a few murmurs at the doorway. I heard Legolas' and Elladan/Elrohir's voices. What were three _Ellyn_ doing in my house at such an early hour?

"What are you doing in my house?" I grumbled. "You've got my parents' leave to be here but _seriously _what would they think if they knew there were three Elves, and all of them _guys_, in my room at this hour?"

The voices stopped. I rolled back over and groped about for my glasses with my eyes still squeezed shut. "It's not _early_, Fantasy, you were taking a nap, remember?" said Celeborn's voice.

"No."

"Well, we seem to having a little... ah... _trouble_... with the portal."

"What did y'all do _now_?"

"_We_ didn't do anything!" cried Aurell.

"Okay, who all's _here_, and who all's in _Imladris_?"

"Aurell, Elladan, Elrohir, Celeborn, Galadriel, and I are currently stuck here," said Legolas.

"Dang. Y'all picked the absolute _worst_ time to _all_ come over and play, didn'tcha?"

"Quit saying 'y'all', Fantasy, it sounds awkward and I don't even know what it means," said Aurell.

"Two words. You. All. If you don't like me saying it then you shouldn'tve woken me up 'cause I'm tired and I don't wanna think about what I'm gonna say."

"But _why_?" the _Elleth_ asked again.

"Obviously you've never been to Texas. I was born and raised there, and I like it a lot better than I do here. And if I hear _any_ stereotypes outta _anyone_ about all of Texas being a big dry desert, then I'll... I dunno, but I'm really offended when people call Texas a desert. Sure, _some_ of it is, but I'm from where the grass is green around early March. Here, the grass is green in May. _May_. And only if you water it daily. And I'd _never_ seen a tumbleweed before I came here."

They were all staring at me like I was crazy.

"Okay, okay, I'm out of bed. Now what's wrong with the stupid portal?"

They led me to the closet downstairs. There was no portal. I was furious. "WHAT THE HAY DID YOU GUYS DO?!"

"We didn't do anything! It was there one minute, then gone the next!" said Elladan/Elrohir.

I sighed. "It took me a week of finding my 'inner peace' and focusing in _Imladris_ to open the portal here! And you guys ruined it!"

"We already told you-"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Whether you caused it or not, It's still going to take me at least another week to get you back home."

I paused, and looked at the four _Ellyn_ and two _Ellith_ around me. "Celeborn, it is now officially yours and Galadriel's job to explain this to my mom and dad. Because I sooo do not want to have to explain six houseguests." Then I brightened. "But while you guys are here... I'm going to an amusement park day after tomorrow, and I've got a band concert tomorrow. It. Shall. Be. The. Most. Epic. Thing. Since. EpicevilbaldmoustachedunicornLegolasPIEEEE."

They looked at me like I was crazy again.

Finally Legolas said, "Are you talking about me?"

I rolled my eyes. "Inside joke. It'll take forever to explain."

"Well it seem like we have as long a time as you may need," said Legolas.

"Okay so I have this friend, and she asks me daily 'Do you like pie? Do you like zebras? Do you like zebra pie?' and so one day Fox asked me 'What about Legolas pie?' And I said 'NOOOOOOOO WHY DID YOU COOK LEGOLAS INTO A PIE?!'. And then she actually drew a pie with your face sticking out of it," I gestured wildly at Legolas, "And then the Hobbits as muffins and the rest of the Fellowship as food too (Sauron was an evil soda, heehee). And after that I was reading The Skipper -great story by the way, but I wouldn't recommend it for Elves- and I E-mailed a clip to Fox where Ana threatened to puke if Bonnie said Elves so she said unicorns instead and then that gave Fox the idea for UnicornLegolaspie." I paused for a breath. "And then a couple weeks ago I got LEGO Lord of the Rings for the Wii, and one day I went back to Weathertop playing as LEGO you and I found this rubber ducky and I picked it up and then LEGO you was BALD and the ducky was on your head and I told Fox and she laughed about it while I was panicking and she drew a moustache on you so you wouldn't be completely hairless and then renamed it BaldmustachedunicornLegolaspie. And I said 'It's like you're ASKING him to kill you, Fox' and said that Sauron would be glad to teach Legolas some of the many methods of torture and she drew a moustache on Sauron then there was EvilbaldmoustachedunicornLegolaspie. And then I said that he was Epic almost like Gil-galad (whom Eclipse and I agree is now the Elf equivalent of Chuck Norris in EPICNESS) and named it EpicevilbaldmoustachedunicornLegolaspie. The End."

Legolas had sat down on the couch and was rubbing his head and once again looking at me like I was insane. I smiled sweetly at him.

"I think," said the Elf prince, "I think that Fantasy and her friends have finally gone mad."

**Yeah, I was from Texas. And I'm pretty darn proud about it. Also Fox has been banned from Elf parties. She parties with the Hobbits now. I tell her "well you don't like being tall because then everybody's looking at you and you go and party with a bunch of short people making you look even TALLER?" Anyways, next update will be soon HOPEFULLY. Review because all of your fabulous reviews inspire me to write more! =^w^=**


	9. Waaaay Late Stuff

**Sorry for the lateness... again... I was camping and haven't had a good chance to be on the computer in the past three days or so. -.-**

**Edit: Hell knows why I didn't post this chapter weeks ago. It was just chillin' in the Doc Manager. For a lot of this time. Well, I'm going to summer camp and visiting relatives for the next 2 weeks, so I'm not going to be able to check my email or type chapter 10.  
**

***starts randomly ranting about stuff that doesn't concern this fanfiction* I got permission from Ynnealay and LinzRW to make a video using parts of their fanfictions. But my life can't just be easy and simple... NOOOOOOOO, I don't have an animation program, so I'm doing everything with the traditional method of drawing each frame BY HAND. And I'm not gonna wait until I DO get an animation program, 'cause then I will be too lazy to actually do what I wanted to do in the first place.**

**...Graphite transfer. It is a total lifesaver. ****I'm going to be spending my free time at summer camp making Thranduil's elk _dance_, sooo...**

******...**

******I felt like I owed you guys this chapter, and more, but this is all I could do for now. Thanks for sticking with me.**

* * *

"I think," said the Elf prince, "I think that Fantasy and her friends have finally gone mad."

"Oh, no, I am the sane one in our little nerd group. You've never met Eclipse. Nor have you heard the crazy conversation I was having with Fox last night."

"What about it?"

"NOT TELLING."

"..."

"I'm going to get on the computer." I walked away. A while later Aurell came after me.

"Fantasy, you need to finish your last lesson," said Aurell, walking silently over to me.

"Go away," I whispered, staring intently at the computer screen.

"Are you... _crying_?" the Elleth looked concerned.

I unplugged the headphones and the theme that I would say _completely_ defined my early childhood filled the room. Aurell looked at the screen. I was on Youtube and the video screen was filled with just an album cover with a picture of a horse, titled "_Spirit_". **1)**

"Go away," I said again. "I don't want Elves right now... Just horses." I plugged the headphones again.

I'm betting that there are some people who have never heard "Homeland" or "Run Free" from the Spirit soundtrack. Oh my _freaking explosive_ jellybean _pies_, if you have not then those three minutes and forty-three seconds and six minutes and twenty-two seconds are minutes that your life will never be complete without. **2)**

It was a good hour before they actually could get me to come down.

* * *

My phone went off with a loud DIIIIIIING...YOU'VE GOT POKÉMAIL **3****)** and I went running into my room, only to find that Leggy had been looking at it without my permission. Then I explodonated and chased him around beating him upside the head with my leopard Webkinz named Leah. (You've never heard of Explodonation? Then you've clearly never played Plants vs. Zombie and read the Cherry Bomb's description in the Suburban Almanac. Exploding and detonating. My fancy word for blowing up twice.)

When I collapsed with exhaustion and Legolas hid in the basement, I ditched the lesson and went back upstairs to the computer to look up how to animate a horse run cycle.

',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',Next day,',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',',','

I came back inside and deposited my flute by the door. Aurell skipped over and asked, "Was it fun?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I seem to be failing at recognizing any aspect of marching band that could possibly be _fun_ at this point in time.**"**

The Elleth rolled her eyes. "So, what did you learn?"

"Three days of mini band camp, and I can march forwards, backwards, and sideways while holding my flute. Now let me spend the hour that I have before I have to prepare for my last concert in _peace_." I made a beeline for the kitchen and got a glass of water and the TV remote. "CELEBORN! Where is the Roku-mote?"

The Elf lord had been quite amused by the 'great quantity of foolish television programs that focus around problems that humans have in their life, many of which are exceedingly unlikely'. But he surrendered the remote to the Roku and I switched it from Netflix to Pandora and settled on the couch with _Brisingr_. **4)**

I didn't get an hour. I had to get the Elves properly attired to go out in public. Thankfully, Mom and Dad had the foresight to go shopping yesterday, and there was a pair of jeans and a plain shirt for each of the Ellyn. Galadriel was allowed to keep her pure white dress as long as she wore a jacket with it, and Aurell borrowed one of my older sister's less formal dresses. Then there was their hair. Elladan and Elrohir consented to hiding it and their pointed ears beneath a toboggan. Celeborn blatantly refused to hide his long hair and pulled it back in a ponytail that hid his ear tips instead. Legolas took a hoodie. Galadriel and Aurell painstakingly braided their hair in a way that covered their ears entirely.

I lined them up and inspected them, gave Celeborn a baseball cap, Aurell my i-Pod, the twins my dad's iPad, and Galadriel _Brisingr_ with a book cover. Only then did I finally admit that they'd pass for human, at least for tonight, but only as long as they didn't all sit in the same place.

We were almost out the door when I remembered something. "Wait a second... Everyone back in here! Did y'all leave your weapons?"

The Elves hesitated, then Legolas shook his head. I held out a hand. "We are going into a _school_. Any and all weapons are _strictly prohibited_, and you'll get in BIIIIIIG trouble for having one." Galadriel, Celeborn and Aurell each handed me a dagger, Legolas pulled his long knives out of the hoodie, and Elladan and Elrohir surrendered their hunting knives.

"_All_ of them," I said in a warning tone. The Lady gave me a tiny two-inch blade that I'm pretty sure she kept hidden in her sleeve. I nodded at her, then glared at the younger Elves and tapped my foot. when none of them surrendered another knife I swooped down and pulled a jewel-encrusted dagger out of Legolas' left boot. It had his name engraved on it in the Tengwar.

"That's better. I don't know why you're all so armed," and then... I started ranting. "Do you all carry around that many blades in Rivendell? Eh? How about Lorien? I can't believe you don't trust me. An' if you ever find yourself in a fix with a crook or some'n _here_, an' they've got a _gun_, then you're better off weaponless or they'll shoot you and then the whole what-I'm-not-an-Elf-who-told-you-that gig is up!" I waved my arms around above my head to emphasize my point and continued ranting. "Hey everybody! There's six aliens stranded here from another world that doesn't exist! Come and get 'em before they enslave mankind!" I stopped and looked them each in the eye. "I have made my point. Let's make like a tree and leaf."

* * *

...two hours later... **5****)**

* * *

"Yo. Long-time-no-teach. Uhhhhhhh... Where'd I leave off? Nasal mutation? Right. I knew that. Well, I don't think that there's much left, however complicated it is. Then I'm giving you guys some homework. Because I _can_ and I _want to_.

Anyways... so! Consonant clusters like 'dr', 'gl', 'gr', and 'gw' aren't affected by the mutation.

Did I already say that? I think I did. Well then, I'll keep going. There's still a bunch more craziness with a bunch more letters.

So we know about _am marad_? Same goes for _dan_, so we've got _dam marad_, against a tower.

When used before various letters, _in_ reacts in various ways.

Before 'm', 's', and 'l' words the N just goes away without any transformation on the letters' part.

EX: _I myl_ 'the gulls'

Aaaaand the article where I'm learning this has me utterly baffled and if I read through it later and suddenly realize that I missed something then I will most certainly include it another chapter but for right now I think I'm done with this part...~ Long overdue props to the _Ardalambion_ (Okay, anyone who can tell me what means gets a text Legolas X3) and the _Sindarin- the Noble Tongue_ link from there. Because it's awesome and I said so.

Oh, another thing. If you see any inconsistencies in my story, like if I gave one example and then later gave a lesson that contradicted it, then TELL MEEE so I can fix it.

Now... WHAT TIME IS IT?"

"_Adventure time_!" I heard Nethig call from the other room.

I rolled my eyes. "Nethig, I'm not talking to you! Didn't I tell you that I had the camera on? Good grief.

No, it's homework time! I will supply the word list, I just want you guys to put what I've taught -or tried to, anyways- to use and build a sentence out of it. Actually, you don't have to, and I can't make you, so... test your knowledge if you dare! It's even an open book quiz! How hard could it possibly be?

Sentence:

Green leaves and golden flowers fill the ([SINGULAR, as in just ONE])mallorn in spring.

Word list:

_Laeg-_ green

_Lass-_ leaf

_A-_ and

_Mallen-_ golden

_Loth-_ flower

_Panna-_ fill

_i_- the

_Mallorn-_ mallorn (obviously)

_Ned-_ in

_Echuir-_ Spring

Okay, so I have no way of making you do this like the teacher at school does, and you don't have to do it, but you will never know if you have properly learned what I have tried to teach unless you do! So do it, and if you get it wrong I will tell you so so you don't make the same mistake again.

Please?

* * *

**Okay, I'll say it again. The homework is not mandatory. But that doesn't mean that I don't feel like a goddess. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!**

**Also I'm feeling pretty low on motivation right now. Maybe that's why I've been late every chapter. So once again I am in need of slapping. SLAP ME PLZ and leave nice review so that when I come back I can see how much you looooove me~  
**

**Here's what the bold numbers were for:**

**1) Hrm... I seem to have forgotten how much I liked horses when I looked into Elves...**

**2) I don't own those songs but they're as epic as Leggypie so if you have any appreciation for good music you will listen to them DX**

**3) Best. Ringtone. Ever. A friend made it for my older sister before I got her old phone.**

**4) *totally read the last three books in the Inheritance series in a week***

**5) I didn't include details about those two hours because I am sooo lazy**

**REVIEW THIS AND SLAP ME BECAUSE I AM BEING A LAZY BUTT AND I DESERVE IT AT THIS POINT. DX**


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